Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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