Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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