If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
