And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
