Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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