I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You are a genius and a whore.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
