I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We're using joints as your birthday candles
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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