I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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