Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
