You're so nebulous sometimes
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
