don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
