You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
