yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So many bounce houses so little time
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
