Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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