So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
