Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
People in love make me want to vomit
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
