I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
