Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
