I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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