Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
