I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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