I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
