For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh god it's open bar.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
