it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
