best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
