8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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