Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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