is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
