I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
