): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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