i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
