I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
