He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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