i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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