no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
