so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
