Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
