All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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