A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
