you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
