I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize