i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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