She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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