when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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