I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
