I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sext me about skeletons
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
