biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
this hospital has no fireball
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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