Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
