Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
