Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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