I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
