adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
