Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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