I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
