why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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