I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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