I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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