thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
