Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We need a shit load of segways right now
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
