She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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