Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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