can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
