My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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