I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
