i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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