I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so let's talk penis.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
