Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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