mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
