If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
