My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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